Living with Primates

Chimp Owner Begs Police in 911 Call to Stop Attack

The frantic owner of a 200-pound chimpanzee that went berserk in Connecticut pleaded with police over the phone to help her stop the animal from mauling her friend, begging them to ''Hurry, please! He ripped her face off.''

Really? I have a few questions about this. What kind of person keeps a primate as a pet in their suburban home? And, what kind of person continues to keep a primate in their home after it goes on a rampage six years earlier? Apparently, this chimp was able to login to her computer and look at photos, dress himself, use the restroom, etc. He even used a water pik to clean his teeth. He was basically a person. Don't you have to be a crazy person to have a "person" as a pet? Especially one that knows how to use keys, escape, and run amok? Don't you also have to be a crazy person to pretend you're a vet and give your pet person Xanax and other drugs? As a result, this chimp's time here is over.

So it goes.